Mile Markers of Life

I didn’t notice it as much up until this point but I think we have crossed over into the ‘ferociously hungry constantly’ phase. The feeling of an empty growling stomach is not one I love. It hurts and feels weird, and just makes me want to eat all the things! I guess I’m not eating enough, which is changing, because I feel it frequently. I woke up at 2:45 last night to a empty stomach and an aching body…I had to eat a Lara bar in my bed, which I’m pretty sure was REAL OLD because it tasted horrible!!! I gagged it down because I was just so hungry and then I could fall back asleep. My body is craving more calories so it will have its wish! More healthy calories for you!!

Yeah, yeah, yeah it’s time for a lecture for me, by me. This is getting kind of irritating on my side, so it has to change. AGAIN. Shocker.

The main problem about training for me is that I suddenly feel entitled to eat whatever I darn well please.  Cheesey Pirate booty(not a euphamism), “natural and healthier” in the house, sure I’ll eat both bags myself in about a week, because it has to be better than cheetos right? (wrong probably the same) Sugar popsicles? Sure why not. Leftover candy from a holiday I really can’t remember, OH easter, that’s right. Easter candy. Those jelly beans and the blueberry white chocolate, and of course those Reeses eggs, sure. Diet soda with dinner? Why not. Swing by Taco Bell because YOU didn’t prepare yourself with food for the day and you’re starving, sure I’ll grab a bean burrito, but throw a slushie in there too for good measure.

And just like that, I’m in the foot rut once again. Will I ever claw my way out. I was doing so well when I was doing that 90 day challenge thing, but it overlapped with the start of tri training, which takes precedence, so I quit that and traded it for swim bike run, and oh all the food too.

It annoys me. I am a food person apparently. I just like eating things. I like eating convenient things and quick things and things that make me happy. I also like eating healthy, which takes more effort, but it is worth the few extra moments to prepare a healthier alternative. I kick myself when I think about all the stuff I’ve been shoving in my pie hole. I’m intensely stressed, the shit is just starting to hit the fan with the end of school drawing nearer. The pressure to succeed is weighing heavy on my shoulders and I will likely have a few mental breakdowns in the next 4 weeks. I am starting a new job next week on top of it, WHICH I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT, but I will be even busier, which I didn’t know was humanly possible, all while maintaining my training, that as of late, has gone up an hour each week! OOOOOOOOOOH BOY. I feel it. Is this adulthood? Feels like it.

I love my life. I love my school and my career path. I love my classes. I love the fact that I will have a real adult job next week and can begin transitioning out of the ‘babysitter’ tag, it makes me feel like a high schooler still. I love the people I am surrounded with. I love the body I have, though I want it to be different, but it allows me to do so much. I love that I have access to healthy foods, despite the fact I don’t always choose the healthy choices, whether for lack of motivation or time. I love the fact that it is almost summer. I love my life….and I am happy, but the eating has to change. I have to recenter and refocus.

Admittedly spring break brought on a naughty way of eating and it wasn’t even the fun kind. It was the..I don’t feel good, I’m too tired to put effort into this, I don’t live here this food is random…type. I ate ice cream and chicken nuggets on top of other random stuff that was just “there.” Stupid.

So here goes Monday. Back to normal scheduling and preparing healthy food despite being busy as busy can be. Monday is my favorite day and I don’t care who says otherwise. It is my lab day and I love lab! It is the start of the week, a fresh start and clean slate. Monday is a good day.

On tap for today is all this food and an hour bike, maybe 30min run. Can you believe the spread that goes into my lunch and snacks until 5pm? It’s pretty cray.

Five starbursts fell into my mouth last night. My mom is a elementary school teacher and she brought home all these goodies meant for bribing. You can totally bribe me with one of my favorites, Starbursts. I saw the bag of berry starbursts and my mom said I could have it. Nooo I can’t. I can’t I don’t need it. I’ll eat so many. Maybe just one, two, three, five. Candy is evil dont you see…I can just keep unwrapping them and shoving them in my mouth. Sweet delicious little chews. I have he back the bag… I wanted it. I could eat so many, but it wouldn’t do anything for me but sabotage my goals. I can’t be trusted near candies and that’s just a fact. Haha So here I am, so tired on the morning of a sleepless night, and I have my food packed for the whole day. Feels good. I can so this. One month in, two months to go. I want to see what my body can do and how it can look.

I remember when I used to gaze longingly at the junky food inside those vending machines. The days when I had depleted my backpack reserves and still had time at school is when those sneaky snacks looked the best. Someone just bought some peanut m&ms and it made me hungry so now I’m just munching on some hummus and veggies from my snazzy massive lovely lunch box(still the best purchase). These baby peppers sure are loud. I’m probably irritating everyone around me, but a girls gotta eat right! There is still much anatomy to be learned and smooshed into the gray matter between me ears.

Taking a tiny break from the massive study mountain named A&P and eating a massive lunch. Sweet potato, sautéed veggies, chicken, and Greek tomato and cucumber salad. Nom city and so much LOL’s from 30 Rock, like always.

“We are lovers, Lemon.”
“Ohhhh, that word bums me out unless it’s between the words meat and pizza.”

Din din. Vegan minus the cheese. I ain’t given up my chez. Too yummy. Long hair don’t care. If he wants to go vegan I’ll play along but I’m still eating chicken, cheese, dairy, and fishies.

Oh boy. Walked in to find this little gem on my computer. My family watched a documentary caller Forks Over Knives last night. I’ve seen it before, it’s a little boring but pretty enlightening. It’s about vegenism and how “normal” food basically can kill you. I agree that processes food and stuff can put a bullet in your head, but clean eating is treating me pretty well. My dad all of a sudden decides he is gonna go vegan. This always happens! It happened when he watched a juicing movie and it’s happening now!

He is really really unhealthy. His cholesterol is so high and he has a big fat belly and is probably near diabetes. This is great if he pursues it, actually pursues it and doesn’t mess around. I’d be more than happy to eat some vegan dishes because it would help me out, but I need my protein.

Haha in the mean time I put a half scoop of protein powder in my cottage cheese and it is SICK. It is so so sweet and it is yucky. The only way to have protein powder is in a smoothie. Blegh. Also also it is snowing hard!!! I need to go to the gym now if I’m gonna get there. AHHHH A

Soooooooooo……overall I have been eating SOO clean. I haven’t eaten anything bad this whole week I am pretty sure! That is unheard of! But can I just tell you………..there’s this little incesant thing called shark week, and these little hormones called estrogen and progesterone make me want to EAT ALL THE THINGS.

Here’s what I want right now in order of importance. I am really craving a Starbucks white hot chocolate…oh yeah, loads of sugar, whole milk, and whipped creamy goodness. I would love a big stack of pancakes with peanut butter melted on top. I also am craving something crunchy like kettle salt and vinegar chips. Hmmm what else…I could go for some piping hot fries right about now, nice and salty with a little ketchup. I could also use a giant ice cream cone, sweet creme flavor with gummi bears and heath bar…my usual. Oh my gosh i want it all so badly…if it was here bad things would happen.

So as I sit and wallow in my lack of anything deliciously fattening or sugary, I will put my mind elsewhere and watch 30 Rock and laugh at the genius things in every scene and I will try not to think about naughty food. I want to lose body fat so badly!! This is the 2nd week and I am still with it, so I think I am gonna go till the end if I can just. not. eat. crap.

Maybe I’ll make a chocolate peanut butter protein shake and treat it like the milkshake that it’s not.

Carry on……………………………………………. :) lol

Back to the basics for the umpteenth time. I’m Grace, and I believe I am simply addicted to food. I like sweet and salty and fatty foods. They taste good. They’re fine in moderation, but sometimes moderation is hard. Each week I just need to re-rein it in and focus. When I think about what I put in my mouth I’m more observant, but if I’m blindly hungry, bad things happen. So here we go again.

Someday my husband is going to eat lots of dishes in which I throw a crap ton of vegetables into a pot with olive oil, add a carb like pasta or quinoa, and top with a protein, like chicken. So lucky. I am pretty sure it’s all I eat but it’s just so darn good, easy, and versatile. I made a Greek pasta with tomatoes, Greek olives, spinach, onions, and red pepper flakes. So yummy yummy!!

Also. Dog. I have the cutest one. Such a nice break on a lovely day and then back to studying.

Mmmmmm healthy lunch in front of a Christmas tree. It’s a good day. My friend just registered for ironman Cozumel today!! Like woah! It’s exactly a year from Saturday, which also happens to be opening day for ironman boulder. Ay-yi-yi it’s all too much. Haha the only thing that gets me is the money, simply because I am a control freak I feel “safe” with a certain amount of money in my account. However, I’m young now and if the fire is in my belly, why put it out? It’s a big decision.
Hope you’re all having a great day!! I am soooo sore like my hamstrings are dead! And my triceps and back and shoulders. We did pistol squats yesterday which are the hardest thing ever—definitely something to work on!! It takes so much strength!!
Ok byeeee :)

My life is disheveled and in boxes and busy and hectic, but I wouldn’t change it. We are moving tomorrow. I have four tests next week. Finals are in about 4, and then I start CNA school. But…for the first time…I feel like I have a plan. I’m not talking fitness, although it does include that. I’m talking plans for money..like jobs and repaying college loans before I have to. I’m talking savings and positive interest accounts and being wise. All my life I’ve grown up seeing my family live with the bear minimum…month to month and making ends meet, but not being smart. I don’t want to be like that..deal with that for the rest of my life. I can’t wait to feel financially secure and start beating away at that giant debt staring me down. It’s being conquered, so it’s on.

In terms of fitness I’m doing well! I have been eating pretty clean, although it’s hard to always eat right on with Jamie because of busyness. I’ll do this as long as it takes to get my body the way I want it. I don’t want to feel eh I want to feel amazing and confident and buff! ;)

We did dietary analysis for nutrition class. That crazy woman doesn’t think I eat over 100g of protein a day. Sorry lady, I don’t need to “check that” so you just hush. Sorry the recommended daily value is like 49 grams.

Good day to you all. I’ll try to be more exciting

I am frozen and it is effing cold. I had cottage cheese and strawberries for my snack earlier, took a nap, and woke up hungry. Right on time at the 3 hour mark. This makes my life even more complicated. I also decided that I’m not a fan of reheated grilled chicken. It’s really quite disgusting if you ask me. All dry and rubbery. Ew. I would rather make it each day, which will maybe require me to switch my meals around to times where I am home. I could be eating “lunch” at 430 on Thursdays. Hmm we shall see how that goes. My triceps are still sore from Tuesday so that is fun and stuff. I craved a sugar treat when I woke up from my nap—no surprise there I love sugar treats. It’s really quite a problem, but alas I didn’t indulge. Go me!! Instead I made my iced coffee with my sweet creamer, which is not goin anywhere as I don’t use that much and it allows me to not stuff my face with cookie dough or eat a giant bowl if Reese’s peanut butter puff cereal like I probably usually would if I wasn’t thinking with my brain and only with my stomach. This is a daily battle, but today I win!

It’s not a secret that I’m trying to change the way I eat, and in turn change the composition of my body. My gym mama is a personal trainer and cut like you wouldn’t believe, so I direct all my questions about health/fitness/nutrition directly to her. I’ve been having a bit of trouble eating enough calories—sometimes anywhere around 1100-1400, which I know is pretty unacceptable for someone my age/weight/activity level. I know the contestants on biggest loser are held around 1200 for extreme weight loss, so you can probably draw some conclusions that my eating habits were still fairly questionable. Although I was trying to eat the right things, I wasn’t eating enough. Sometimes it was just a lack of time or lack of preparedness, or just because I wasn’t hungry. Excuses and reasons aside, I think it’s pretty safe to say I needed a little advice on the matter of how many calories I need to be consuming.

So yesterday she calculated the number for me, and to maintain my current weight I need to consume around 1750 calories per day. She also suggested I up my protein, in addition to always having snacks around to munch on throughout the day. She suggested eating a little bit every two hours, and for each little munch to include some protein. Such a simple concept, and yet it takes a lot of brain power. Okay, I ate breakfast at 8, so I’ll eat a Clif Bar at 10, and lunch at noon, and a snack at 2, etc, etc. Low and behold, the addition of a simple protein bar has gotten me at a better caloric range for what time of day it is. SHOCKER!! So the woman knows what she’s talking about…well durr.

To top it off, I am also in a nutrition class this semester, which is sooooooo useful and interesting to me!! I absorb the information like it’s not for a grade…I love it! We talked about proteins today as well, so that must be a sign. MOAR PROTEIN!

Also, being such the nerd that I am, I was curious as to how many ounces my chicken breast actually was, because I had really no clue. I weighed it before I thawed it—13.5 ounces! Holy balls, I thought, I’m eating over two servings of chicken, but after I got the fat off and cooked it, it was a nice 6.6 ounces. Perfection…that paired with steamed broccoli and quinoa makes my belly, my psyche, my brain, and my body verrrrrrry happy and satisfied. I back on the horse for the millionth time, and determined to not screw it up because I am underprepared or ‘too hungry to wait.’

And besides…what matters isn’t how many times you fall of the horse, it’s that you have the courage and tenacity to get right back on, smack that sucker in the tush, and keep on moving forward.