Mile Markers of Life

And there hasn’t been for quite a while. I’m not trying to be a debbie downer, and maybe it’s normal for taper week(s), but I think, right now, at this very second, that I am not a triathlon person.

Hear me out here. I enjoyed it, and I know this accomplishment will mean A LOT to me…when I cross that finish line it will be the happiest I’ve been in forever! However, I cannot wait to be done with this!!!! It causes me agony to think about all the training I have to do(and recently haven’t) I hate how I have to get in two other sports on top of my first love, running. It’s stressful and more commitment (obv) than just running. It doesn’t seem enjoyable to me to HAVE TO get into the pool for an hour or to HAVE TO go ride my bike for 4 freaking hours. I don’t enjoy training for this as much, and it’s even put a drag on my running. When I first started, running was so amazing and I couldn’t wait for the next one..the group runs and speedwork with friends. It was the best thing, and maybe that’s why I got into it so deeply, maybe that’s what I needed to get running engrained into my soul. (Cheesy, but that’s what happens, like it or not) I don’t know if I’m just burnt out on the whole triathlon thing, or if it’s really just not for me. At this point, I still have a 140.6 on my bucket list, but I really do not know if I have the mental strength and perserverance to train for something that big when I don’t even really enjoy it. Riding my bike outside is fun, but it’s stressful and takes a lot to get out. I worry about getting clipped by a car and flying face first into the pavement. Swimming is boring..I hate going back and forth in the pool 40 times and I can’t imagine having to train for 80 laps and more. That alone turns me off of the idea big time. 112 miles on a bike? Seriously?

I don’t know if I’m just thinking this way because I’ve been thinking about this since October, or if it’s real feelings and opinions I’m having, but seriously I am done with triathlon right now. I don’t feel like I was THIS ready to be done with my marathon, and especially not any of my halves! This is CRAY CRAY. Yes I just said that…I don’t have any idea where I’m going with this..just sharing my feelings and I can because this is my blog! haha

Anywho…I am working to change my mindset before this weekend, because feeling done and give-uppy is not a way to start such a big event. I will turn a corner, though, because the expo and seeing the course will probably give me the boost I need, and then race morning of course will get the adrenaline pumping. I just want to finish. I just want to finish the swim below cutoff and then I feel like I can pull it off. I am so scared for the swim…just keep swimming. I waste a lot of energy during the swim because I am inefficient. I just need to make it up that beach and I will be fine…I just want to finish. I just want to finish.