Mile Markers of Life

I can’t escape from constant thoughts of swimming, biking, or running even in my dreams.

Last night I dreamed that I was running the Boston marathon, but it was weird. It didn’t seem to be in Boston, it just was called that. Haha I felt SO good and I was running fairly fast. By mile 11 I still was feeling good and then around 17 I was getting tired so for some reason I stretched in a squatting position and then did a lap sans shoes. I don’t even know. And then I stopped by my house to pee and get water. Also I don’t even know. And then I ran to a park and through trees and I was finished. It was the least epic finish line I’ve ever “been through”…but I got two medals. They both had black ribbons.

Maybe I’ll do a marathon after the Tri. After a little break. Maybe I’ll do the Tri and have an enjoyable rest of the year lifting weights, doing classes, and running for fun, and then sign up for a spring marathon. That sounds good to me. Gotta keep it fun and enjoyable. Too much structure will mess me up an make me resent the training, which makes it 114% less fun to do.

:)

And just like that I realize that I am a solo trainer. Am I incapable of training with others? No. I just feel like I do better alone sometimes. I’m slower at everything anyways. Might as well do it by myself instead of feeling like a loser at the back of the pack. Maybe not group, maybe just one or two people, but I still think I train better alone. I feel like a failure today. A poser if you will. I know this isn’t true. It’s just an off day. Tomorrow will better, but today sucks. I started the morning at 720 and I was disoriented. I didn’t into what day it was or why I was getting up. Why am I waking up again? Work? No…oh yeah the group ride. I almost stayed in bed and I almost kind of wish I had. I got ready and headed to the gym. The sky today is coated with smoke from the fire in Arizona, it smells awful. It is also really freaking windy. I went against my inner gut feeling. Just go stop being a baby. I quit about 15 minutes in. My lungs apparently don’t like smoke and my legs were tired and I felt like I was gonna blow over. Oh well. Now I’m inside riding the stupid spin bike. Oh well. I don’t mind. That much. I’m not a failure. I’m not a poser. Tomorrow will be better. I can do this.

I wish my phone could zoom in and take awesome pictures…these don’t do it justice. It’s totally cool. You should look it up on youtube. They fly literally feet apart and hold steady…it’s incredible: their control and strength and bravery! I admire them big time, and all military. It takes  a lot of heart to put your life on the line in everyday circumstances.

Pretty freaking awesome. I want to ride in one of those planes someday…pull some g’s, maybe pass out, maybe barf, but it’s all in the experience. Epic.

Last school year…around March or April maybe I had my body fat percentage taken. I thought I was in pretty good shape, and I was, but I had a little extra here and there. That was at the peak of my running obsession. It was still fairly new and very exciting and it’s about all I did. Since then I’ve continued to run, but I’m also lifting weights, and obviously have added swimming and biking to the mix. I still really love running, but I think it’s good I started getting resistance training into the mix as well. It’s helped so much, not only with strength, but it’s also nicer to look at. I love having something to see when I flex. It’s very motivating and makes me want to keep going in the weight room.

Anyway about a year ago I was 25.6% body fat, which as you can see in the chart is average. I don’t care so much about the number on the scale honestly. I mean it’s nice to see a drop after you’ve been working hard, but I care a LOT more about how my body looks and how I feel/perform. I would rather weigh more and be able to do more, be stronger, push harder, and run further than to weigh 115 and be weak and feeble. I used to want to have a super low number on the scale, but everything has changed. The reasons behind that desire were vain and conceited: pleasing everyone around me perhaps? Or feeling better because my number was lower? I’m not sure the reasons behind it, but a lot of the motivation was based about making myself feel better because I had really low self confidence. Now I could care less what the number is. If people want to judge me based on what I weigh, go ahead…I can just look up at the wall with all the bibs and medals, and I can remember what my body can do for me, and they can just go pout about it in a corner.

I had my body fat measured again at the gym because I’ve been curious. I know I’ve changed since then, but just how much? 22.3% today. It’s not a huge drop, but it is a good change! I’ve noticed changes in my body and I like it a lot more these days. I kind of want to get it around 19-20, which is a bigger drop, but I think I can do it. I am gonna keep working my butt off and training, and eat healthy most of the time. I’m interested to see what it will be at the end of the summer. I’ll check again..hmmm September 1st. You heard it here first folks.

(I just hope there’s a change)

:)

Not to worry…I probably worried more than you did, but it’s frustrating when you can’t see all the epic-ness going on with the internet and respond with some of your epic-ness.

I am riding my bike today. And I am excited. :) This week has been spot on perfect for training. Did I mention yet that I really, really love summer? It’s completely wonderful in so many ways.

I’m in love with summer.

I am having some serious issues with tumblr lately, and only on my computer!! It is making me so mad…I can’t click certain things and it keeps freezing at certain points.

Annoyed Grace is annoyed. Blah