Mile Markers of Life

Would you like to know something? There is a secret about me. When people think of their worst fears, it may be the death of a loved one, a fall from a great height, or swimming over deep, dark ocean water far from shore. All of those things can indeed be found in my fear box, but one thing that really gets my heart pumping is moths.

I am not kidding when I say this. My fear is the most irrational representation of moths. They are little demons flying around with their dust bodies and their grey uglyiness. The sound of their fluttering wings and the little click as they hit the walls and lamps over and over again…spreading and sprinkling their little poisonous dust over everything they flutter above. My fear of moths is extremely irrational.

Here’s how my night went last night. I am relaxing on the couch and outside I see hundreds of flittering, white bodies careening around the dimly lit night sky. They’re everywhere. They run into my door as they seek the light behind the glass. I cringe. They are turning up everywhere. How do they get in the house, you ask? I’ve been asking myself the same question since the very day I was born.

When I was younger, 9 or 10 maybe, I remember an invasion similar to this one. They were coming in by the tens through our air conditioning and one day when we came home they were everywhere. Swarming the space above our heads. Desperately seeking the light while throwing me in a terror. I was afraid to go to sleep. My parents set bowls of soapy water out and I managed to fall asleep, but the memory and fear is forever engrained.

Fast forward to today and I find myself in a similar situation: fighting for my life on the front lines of insect war. They invade and all I can seem to do is scream and flee the scene. They flitter around and pitter patter their small bodies against my walls, haunting my ears. As it nears bedtime I go up to my room while having to dodge 5 or 6 that are flying around the light in our hallway. Are you kidding me?! And alas, in my room 4 more are waiting. Waiting to wreak havoc on my irrational fear…intensifying it and making my blood pressure rise in an unhealthy way. I beg my mom to help me kill them. (kill them for me). She tries. She gets one, two. But then more appear. They’re everywhere…everywhere spreading their dust all over my clothes and bed and toothbrush. I fight the urge to throw up in my mouth. I put on a hat in fear of them flying into my hair and getting caught or crawling into my ears and laying babies. I cover my mouth and nose as they careen around my head. I hide in fear in the closet. Have I mentioned this is an irrational fear? I even put on my lab goggles. All orifices are secure and I will not be a host for a family of moth demons. I am so afraid that I am nearly in tears when my mom threatens to go to bed. You’ll be fine, she says. They’ll just sleep on your wall; she claims. I have no part in this, and of course I can’t kill them myself. It’s far too terrifying and horrible. So I lay in bed. I fight the urge to wear the hat as it will most likely make overheat. I lay tweezers out on the counter in case I have to flee to the bathroom and pull a tiny, squirming creature from my ear in the middle of the night. I cringe thinking about it. It’s real…I saw it on a doctor show. Can you imagine having a moth crawl into your ear?! The guy went into the ER with ear pain and there was a LIVE MOTH in there. I can’t imagine. Such irrational fears, but yet so real.

I know some of you were in need of a laugh yesterday…so hopefully this makes you laugh a little. Just picture me with a hat and lab goggles on, hiding in the closet and scanning my surroundings incessantly for little demons. Imagine me screaming, running, and hurdling my couch, landing into a tuck roll and getting rig burn on my sunburn. (bad idea. Very bad). Imagine me hitting the deck everytime I see movement. Sometimes others irrational fears can offer humor in a hard time. I’m not saying I like it, but it is pretty funny. Too bad someone didn’t have a camera. ;)

I am not sore today as I expected I would be . My legs are just tired and heavy. Should make my hour run fun. :) Also I am sunburned. Oops. I’m so good at that. I put sunscreen everywhere I swear! But perhaps SPF 30 wasn’t quite enough for a 3 hour ride of constant exposure to my back. I now will have an even worse sports bra tan that I started with. Also I have a watch line and a tramp stamp from the sun from where my shirt apparently was riding up. You never think to sunscreen the tops of your hands or the small of your back. I’m so very cool it hurts. Try not to be jealous. ;)

My chest is so sore it hurts to put on deportment. Feels goooood.

Spin and run tonight :)