Mile Markers of Life

Why do I watch the most scary Grey’s Anatomy when 1) I am babysitting alone in a dark house, and 2) when I get to go home to a dark house alone that I am house sitting.

The shooter Greys gives me the biggest willies. Someone come cuddle me.

I just counted: I have 19 weeks until the big day. This week has been great training wise…I think a big part of that is becasue I’m off of school. It’s fantastic! It’s going to be very sad when I have to go back to school next week. Ahhhh…but just think: Only a little over a month and I’ll be out for the summer! Hallelujah! What am I going to do when I’m a big adult and have a real job? That is too sad to think about…still got a while. ;) And I’m sure I’ll figure it out when I get there…I’m not willing to ever sacrifice training and fitness for something else. This I know for sure.

So I did a cycle class today and ran for 30 minutes. I am so flippin sore from barbell yesterday. We did different kinds of lunges yesterday, and boy did they get me good. So much doms, so much. We did aerobic endurance today with speed drills mixed in. Kicked my butt! The run was good, too. Tomorrow I am gonna swim I believe…it’s technically my off day, but we’ll see.

As far as the clean eating, weeeeeell I didn’t start today. As you all know the most important and helpful thing you can do to start something like this is to be prepared. We didn’t have any of the necessary groceries really, so I didn’t start today. I went out and got all kinds of tastey, healthy things today, so I am so excited to start! I have to make some of Jamie’s homemade carrot cake protein bars and also some turkey muffin things. I’m quite excited. I would like to make them tonight, but it’s late. Maybe I’ll make the protein bars and leave the turkey muffins for tomorrow. Either way I’m hitting the ground running tomorrow. I sure did go out with a bang today…you do not want to know what I ate. It just affirms my reasons for wanting to follow through with this and really clean up my diet. I really think I am addicted to crap and have blinders on that I’m even eating it. Not good!! It’s really time for a change, so that’s happening immediately.

I’m also going to start doing cycle club with the gym I go to. It’s free to members. It’s waaaay out of my comfort zone, I am no where near ready to be amongst experienced cyclists, but I think once I ride outside a few more times by myself(first time since like October), and get a little more comfortable and used to my shoes, pedals, and shifting…then I will definitely give it a try. I think it would really help me a lot with my confidence, not to mention getting my long rides in with people who are into what I’m trying to accomplish.

Long post. About everything. :)

Have you ever thought your way into something for so long, absolutely convinced of it, yet you’re living a lie? This is kind of the conclusion I’ve come to with my diet.

Even now when I think about my eating…my conclusion is that I eat healthy. Now, I am not the worst eater ever. I don’t eat pizza or fast food, I don’t drink sugary sodas, and I don’t eat half a bag of chips in one sitting, but my eating is bad. I eat processed foods. I snack. I graze. I really like ice cream, I enjoy a few diet cokes a week, and I eat protein bars—basically a candy bar full of sugar and processed carbs. I don’t eat healthy, and that is not a good thing.

Since I was young, food was something that can make you fat. If I eat too much, I’ll get fat. If I eat the wrong kind, I’ll get fat. Since I’ve ‘recovered’ from my self esteem issues and come a long way on my fitness journey, I’ve learned to view food more as fuel: it’s essential in my life and it’s something to enjoy.

However, enjoying is a relative term. I really, really like ice cream. I like trips to get frozen yogurt. I like candy and cookies and chips, but I try not to eat them all the time. I realize you’re probably saying ‘moderation is key,’ and ‘balance is important,’ but I don’t have a good diet.

I always think I eat healthy, but what I eat mindlesslessly and somehow forget about…that’s where my diet goes from ‘healthy’ to ‘not so healthy.’

I want food to be my ultimate fuel. I want to feed my body like an engine and give it the best types of food I can. I don’t want to fill it with process crap, refined sugar, and crappy carbs. I want to eat lean proteins, lots of veggies, whole grains, and fruits. I want to go back to the way nature intended us to eat before people began thinking up ways to eat ridiculously.

Food really is an addiction…it has power of me, and people everywhere. It’s a vice. It’s yummy. It can be comforting. It’s fun to eat and be social with food, and it’s okay to enjoy and eat unhealthy things in moderation, but I think the time has come where I just need to get my eating priorities in order, because honestly, I feel a little out of control.

Which is why I’m starting Jamie Eason’s 12 Week Live Fit Trainer tomorrow. It’s based off of the most basic principles of fitness and clean eating…and I want to prove to myself that I can complete it. I’ve quit everything I’ve ever done to try to eat healthy and eliminate the excess fat from my body. Sticking with this type of stuff is really hard…and I know I’ll struggle and want to eat at Chile’s or have frozen yogurt or ice cream, but I feel incredibly out of control with my diet and it’s really time for a change.

I’m really excited to start this. I’m excited to plan meals and be prepared…I’m excited to have a little control over what goes in my mouth. (I know I control what goes in my mouth all the time, but you know what I mean:) ) What I’m most excited about is the results. I’ve seen a few of the before and afters and they’re pretty incredible. I want to stick with this and see what happens because I’ve never stuck with this type of thing before! I’m excited!!

I’m starting at 139 pounds.

Waist: 28’
Hips: 37’
Upper Arm: 12’
Thigh: 23’
Calf: 12’

Today training happened. :)

I went to bed kinda late last night and couldn’t get to sleep, so getting up and heading to the gym wasn’t as fun as usual. Shark week also began today, so my energy was low low low. I could feel the lack of energy and fatigue throughout my workout. I swear aunt flow, if you so much as scooch any closer to the beginning of the month than you already are I will have some serious issues to deal with. I do not, DO NOT want to deal with that on August 5th. Omg worst scenario ever.

Anyways so today I did a barbell class..my legs were way tired from yesterday’s 90 minute cycling class. That tells me that I definitely need to take time and spend a lot of time on the bike. I need to get my body used to being in the saddle and working for that long. I then decided to stay and swim. I was hot and sweaty, and the cool water sounded like it would feel so nice. This week is spring break, so everyone and their mother was in there. There were so many people in the lap pool, so I guess I got a little swim start simulation. I don’t like it. :) it’s not terrible but I would rather swim in calm water. I’m glad my Tri isn’t a mass start. :) Like I said, sharky had my energy levels in the toilet so I couldn’t muster much more. BUT…I managed 15 laps without stopping, which used to be impossible. Remember when I couldn’t do more than like 2 laps without dying!? I remember plain as day, so even though it wasn’t as much as I wanted…it’s a heck of a lot more than I started with, and I will gladly take all of that.

Every year I watch the Ironman world championships…every year they astound me and fill me with hope and determination that someday, hopefully, I will be in the position where I’m given the opportunity to do a full Iron.

Someday. I will.

I did a 1.5 hour performance cycling class today. It was so hard! I learned that it was a 12 week, special class…but of course today was the last week. That bummed me out because I think it is a fantastic class and would have made me stronger, but now they’re transitioning to outdoor rides, which I need to get into, but that is scary as crap.

(Remember Grace, what isn’t scary about this whole process?)

Be a man about it.

Anywho we worked on aero for almost half the time! Half! That is awful! I hate aero!!! That position is absolutely horrible. haha Not to mention tmi, but I need to figure out my underwear situation or get some kind of chaffe stuff because that isn’t very comfortable. Sorry I warned you.

This post is jumbled. Sorry. I have decided on some newer goals for this race. I am the type of person that feeds off of some good ol’ competition. My ‘training partner…’ the one I met at the beginning of the year and pretty much stalked to figure out she had done IM last year…she had to quit the gym we go to starting May 1st, which is a real bummer. It means I’m going to have to be diligent to get my indoor workouts done (ahem, swimming) and do them well. At least the great outdoors is free, but she seems tied down lately with busyness and stress. She is older than me and has a son and a real job…darn those adult responsibilities!! No but seriously I really reallyyyyy wish I had a training partner who I could hang and train with everyday, but that is slowly starting to slip away. We’ll still do rides and runs together, but just not as often as I had hoped at the beginning of this. The point of all of this is: I have started to frame this whole thing as a competition. Not only do I want to beat myself and blow my expectations out of the water…there is a small, itty bitty, but growing part of me that wants to train to beat her and the other guy I know doing it.

Competition gets me going pretty good…I want to train hard, kill my own expectations, and give the two of them a run for their money.

I went into today with a plan..into this week with a plan. I’m taking one day at a time and getting my workouts in..and when I miss one, I’m learning to move it around, get it in, and make it work. :)

Happy.

It was absolutely freezing and so windy today. I was chilled to the bone as I walked to my car, and let’s be honest…I didn’t want to get in the freezing pool water. Normally I have Wednesday’s “off” from training…so I just switched Monday and Wednesday…it’s supposed to be warmer tomorrow, so I’ll get in the pool. Seriously the last thing I want to do is walk into the gym in the freezing wind, take off my warm clothes, and get in freezing water. Winter..you can go now. K Thanks.

I did a spinning class…I’m not sure how much that imitates what I’ll be doing a lot of outside this summer, but it really is a pretty good workout. I was so sweaty!!

1 hour spinning

3 miles in 30 minutes.

Am Happy.

Some days you have it, some days you don’t.

Today I have it. Even though I’m stressed and very much over school, I feel at peace. I feel like I have things under control, for the most part at least.

I didn’t do great on my last chem test..but it’s okay, because I can still do well in the class(I hope). I can study and be diligent and I can get high B’s or even A’s…I just have to work hard.

I also feel like I have it together in the training realm. Before, I was getting overwhelmed with the largeness of the whole thing. I was scared and felt pretty unable to accomplish the training, but since I’ve really sat down and looked at my training I realize that taking it day by day is the way to go. I’m a person who gets set in her ways fairly easily, so taking time out for training and away from my usual fitness classes is diffficult. I’ve recognized that, but I feel like I can do it now. I just have to think about what is more important, and that is training.

I want to be in the best shape of my life—physically and emotionally—when I toe the sand on that morning. I want to be confident and assured of my abilities. I want to be secure in my training and realize I accomplished what I set out to do. I don’t want to get onto that beach..in front of that lake..and question my training. I don’t want to wonder if I did enough..if I was diligent enough. I want to be absolutely and completely sure of my abilities..and that is exactly what I plan to do.

I am so, so excited to see all of this play out. Sunday marked 20 weeks, I believe…and I’m not being flakey on my training anymore. I missed my swim yesterday, so I’m doing it tonight along with 90 minutes of cycling. It’s too cold still to ride outside, but the rest of the week should be beautiful. I’m ready for spring. Last week was perfect, but today it’s pretty cold and extremely windy.

It’s not easy finding a balance, and I am not pretending that I will always have it down perfectly every day, every week, but for right now…I feel like I can really take it on…and not just half way. I’m ready to jump into this with both feet.

Bring. It. On.

That run sucked real bad.

I don’t know what the problem was. Well, actually I do. I’m lazy and inconsistent and I don’t stick with things sometimes unless I’m reaaaaaaaaaaally committed…I hate that about myself.

You know how I started this half marathon training plan to be worked up to 13 miles by the first week in May? Yeah I didn’t stick with that…sporadic training runs here and there. I really don’t know what my problem is. Where is the fire? Where is the excitement and enjoyment? Where is it hiding? I won’t stop searching…but it’d be nice if it’d make an appearance as simply and easily as before.

It’s not that I’m not excited and motivated for the race. A part of me says that it’s still far away and I have time. Another part of me says I signed up for it without enough thought…and the last part of me, maybe the most important part, says it’s doable and that I just really need to WTFU..like always.

I’m not trying to be a debbie downer..this isn’t that type of blog at all, but I just have to share the highs and lows. It’s a documentation of my great runs and my not so great runs. I’ll get it. It’ll happen. I’ll get into it and I’ll start being more diligent.

WTFU

For accountability purposes and because I want to…I am heading out for my 6 miles. Right now. My garmin is loading and it is a beautiful warm day. Bring it on.

You know Grace that when you get the major important workouts done earlier in the day you enjoy them a lot more. You’ll be tired at 4:30 in the afternoon regardless if you swim before work and school or after, and trust me, you never will feel like doing it after. Do yourself a favor and learn this, and then in the summer when your days aren’t as cluttered and busy with school, you can workout whenever you want.

Good girl.

There is something great about the month of march. It’s the beginning of more spring like weather. There is the time change…more daylight to enjoy. There is the fresh nature smell of the trees and grass beginning to stretch and grow. The chirping of the birds and skittering of bunnies. I love March…I love spring, and it was exactly what I needed.

Something about the month of march flipped a switch in my system. I suddenlywantedto train and get better. It was no longer something that made me cringe and whine about. The cold winter months had me down. They had me wanting to have nothing to do with being outside or getting in the cold pool. I was discouraged because I kept skipping workouts..I was disappointed in myself for being lazy and finding excuses. However, something about the month of March made me long to train. I wanted to be outside enjoying the warmer spring like days, running, biking…or just being. It’s made me excited to be alive…spring+training=very lively, happy me.

Anyway the point of this post is this: I’m not stagnant. I’m not a one trick pony that gets better and good at things to a certain point and then stops. I am not hopeless, and neither are you. In October I couldn’t swim well. In November, December, January, and February I slogged through the water and wondered what I had gotten myself into. I wondered if it was a mistake to sign up for a triathlon…to think I could do it, accomplish it, be it. I got so discouraged…and I quit a lot of times. I cut my swims short and I took too many breaks and I just wasn’t trying enough. Each time I’d go into the water thinking I could do it, and each time I would come out defeated and sad…I made a mistake, I thought…I can never do this. I’m not a swimmer. I can’t do this.

And then one day…I did. I kept trying. I hated mostly every minute, every length, every lap I was in the pool, but I was signed up for this huge thing, and I don’t go down without a big old fight. There was no way I was giving this up just because there were some speed bumps.

I am proud to say that today…I got so much better. Last week I felt on top of the world and so proud when I did 15 laps with 3 breaks. Well, today…today I did 25 laps with onlyonebreak. I took one break after the 3rd lap to stretch my arms. Swimming is like running…the first few laps, minutes, miles, whatever, suck..but once you get into it, it becomes easier..more doable. I never thought the day would come where I could make it fairly effortlessly down and back without having to switch strokes and gasp for air. I couldn’t be more happy and excited. This is becoming more of a reality…a doable thing that I could actually get good at rather than a pipe dream that I mistakenly signed up for with a lack of information.

Today…today the swim didn’t conquer me…I conquered the water. And I liked it.